the apple orchard

Yesterday, we went apple picking with some dear friends. (I wanted to end that sentence in this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because that's how I really felt about it, but I didn't want to overwhelm you with my excessive exclamatory punctuation usage).

Ok, so I was a tad excited about picking fresh apples off of the trees.  We don't have apple orchards where we're from, so it was very special to share these northern seasonal traditions with Pier.  Our Indiana time has been really sacred to me and I know that I'm going to cherish the memories we made here forever.  I really am going to miss so many aspects of living in the north...and apple orchards are now at the top of that list. 

It was difficult to take a photo with Pier without an apple in his mouth.  He loved it!  He probably started 15 apples that day (note that I didn't say finished).  Actually, Pier has been teething lately and he was crying alllllll morning...luckily he mellowed out once we arrived at the orchard.  And we maybe got one smile? Or two?  I think he had fun? But Brad and I really had a blast.  It was his first weekend off since...forever probably...so spending time together as a family was long overdo.  I'm so grateful that he was able to enjoy the day with us! 

Always with a mouth full of apple bites.......He also really enjoyed taking all the apples out of my basket and then putting them back in.  AND GUYS THAT BABY SWEATER I CAN'T HANDLE IT! Baby clothes are just the sweetest am I right? We had a cold front come in over the weekend, so the afternoon was full of crisp fall air.  There's nothing like an Indiana fall.

^ Pier is going through this phase where he thinks it's hilarious to feed mama and daddy his food.  I kept sneaking bites...oops.  They were SO good.  Now I need to find a mind blowing apple pie recipe...

Apple picking is officially one of my favorite ways to welcome autumn. My heart is so full living life with these boys!

Thanks Val pal for the photos and the company. She's got the biggest heart y'all!

anxiety tricks

After having Pier, I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety.  That may come as a surprise to some of you, and it definitely was a surprise to me, but now that I am on the other side of the fog I can understand just how bad off I really was.  It's weird -- how your heart could explode from happiness and love for your baby, and yet, still be so miserable living with a very real condition that is slowly suffocating you.  

My anxiety and depression was so intense that I was beginning to resent my child. Most days I couldn't hold Pier without crying.  Every time he would cry, so would I.  I couldn't function. Everyday tasks like putting away groceries, or putting Pier in his carseat would feel like the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  There were multiple times a day that I just was overwhelmed by even the smallest of things and my body shut down.  I was so scared.  At one point I just looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself.  I reached my low point over the summer and realized that I needed to talk to a doctor.  Long story short, I got the help I needed and it has been a night and day difference from where I was a few months ago.  Praise God in His goodness for the gift of friends, family, and medical professionals that have helped me through those difficult days!  Maybe one day I'll go into more detail about how dark that time was...but for today, I wanted to give you some tips on how to handle those days when your anxiety feels like it's in control and you are not.  

relaxation tips + tricks 

1. Chamomile Tea - I've found that caffeine is a trigger for me, so after an initial cup of coffee in the morning, I try to lay off of it the rest of the day.  I started making a pot of chamomile tea and drinking it all day as a way to keep me relaxed.  The warmth and benefits of chamomile keeps me calm. 
    
2. Establish a Calm Environment: For me, this consists of playing calming music, listening to a thought-provoking podcast, diffusing lavender essential oils, and lighting a candle on my kitchen counter. 
    
3.  Find a passion - This blog started as a way to keep my family updated on my life, and still does.  However, it has turned into so much more for me.  Writing, styling, photographing things that I find beautiful have been so therapeutic for me.  It has given me an outlet to grow in creativity and to really process the beauty in my life.  It saved me on those dark days where I had to dig really deep to find something worthwhile.  I've also recently learned calligraphy and how to crochet which have also been a huge form of relaxation to me.  My point is, find a passion and make time for it.  Learn something new and you might surprise yourself! 
    
4. Keep it Clean - Before having Pier, I hated cleaning.  It was the last thing I ever wanted to do.  But I realized another trigger for my anxiety is mess.  It really stresses me out when the house isn't clean...so I started cleaning in 10 minute increments whenever I could.  And you know what?  I felt calmer! And I actually enjoyed cleaning...it was actually therapeutic for me? Weird right.  PS. here's tip about cleaning with young children-- the less stuff you have the less mess you have.  SO as a mom, I try to keep toys at a minimum and then we don't have an explosion of toys all over the place all the time.  It really helps me stay sane. 
    
5.  In the words of the Great Faith Hill, Juuuust Breatheeeee - When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I put myself in timeout.  What does that look like exactly?  Well, basically I do a short 10 minute pilates exercise.  This one is my favorite because of all the breathing. 
    
6. Get outside! - Do it. Even if it's for 10 minutes.  It just helps.  And if it's a pretty day, open your windows!  That instantly fixes my mood and helps me feel more relaxed. 
    
7. Say no to Social Media - Although wonderful, social media causes me anxiety at times.  When I feel like I need a break, I turn my phone on airplane mode or leave it in my bedroom for a few hours (or days!).  It's so nice to be free of the notifications, and comparison, and NOISE.  I think it's helped me balance my social media use as well...that way I can be more present to the people in my life and serve them better without having a need to see what everyone else is doing.  
    
8. Pray - When you make less time for scrolling on social media, you need to make more time for prayer.  Prayer was the thing that helped me most of all.  Even when I didn't "feel" like praying, I did.  I knew I couldn't rely on my own strength to get me through this and so I made the time whenever I could.  Just knowing that He was walking beside me during this time was comforting to me.  

Why am I writing all this?  Well, first off, if you're going through something similar, I want you to know you're not alone.  Most importantly that I want you to know that God is with you in this mess, and He loves you.  I could not have made it this past year without the peace and joy I've found in Christ.  Lastly, if any of this feels familiar to you, I'd invite you to read this blog post that was so beautifully done.  I read it yesterday with tears in my eyes and thought, "YES. this is what I felt for a whole year and thought it was completely normal." Guys it is not normal.  

Even with medication I still have a few days out of the month where my anxiety comes back (although not NEAR as bad!).  So, all that being said, I just wanted to give you a few tips that I've learned have helped me on the days that my anxiety has reared its ugly head in hopes that you benefit from what I've learned. 

“...But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

— Matthew 6:33-34

Do you have anything that helps you stay relaxed?  I've learned not to diminish the importance of self care, especially when dealing with an anxiety disorder, because it really makes a difference in how I love those around me.  I hope these tips have helped you when life gets you feeling overwhelmed! 

an autumn playlist

This is my favorite season.  The colors, the crisp air, the coziness of it all...I look forward to it every year.  And since we live in Indiana now, we get a true, true fall.  Our city is filled with colors of crimson, and burnt orange, and mustard yellow.  It's so beautiful and I wish I could bottle it up and send it to all my Louisiana friends.  Although it's pretty green still here....you can see a few colors starting to peak out from the trees.  It's exciting to welcome a new chapter of change. 

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I have a playlist on Spotify that will help you get in the seasonal mood.  It is a little back country, a little this and a little that.  Most importantly, it's relaxing.  I play it on and off throughout the day, and it really helps set my mood.  I love listening to it while I cook or while Pier and I play in the living room.  You can find me under "emilyfossier" I think.  Enjoy!

“Go, sit upon the lofty hill,
And turn your eyes around,
Where waving woods and waters wild
Do hymn an autumn sound.
The summer sun is faint on them —
The summer flowers depart —
Sit still — as all transform’d to stone,
Except your musing heart.
How there you sat in summer-time,
May yet be in your mind;
And how you heard the green woods sing
Beneath the freshening wind.
Though the same wind now blows around,
You would its blast recall;
For every breath that stirs the trees,
Doth cause a leaf to fall.

Oh! like that wind, is all the mirth
That flesh and dust impart:
We cannot bear its visitings,
When change is on the heart.
Gay words and jests may make us smile,
When Sorrow is asleep;
But other things must make us smile,
When Sorrow bids us weep!

The dearest hands that clasp our hands, —
Their presence may be o’er;
The dearest voice that meets our ear,
That tone may come no more!
Youth fades; and then, the joys of youth,
Which once refresh’d our mind,
Shall come — as, on those sighing woods,
The chilling autumn wind.

Hear not the wind — view not the woods;
Look out o’er vale and hill-
In spring, the sky encircled them —
The sky is round them still.
Come autumn’s scathe — come winter’s cold —
Come change — and human fate!
Whatever prospect Heaven doth bound,
Can ne’er be desolate.”

— The Autumn by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

a playful adventure nursery

I'm happy to (finally!) share Pier's nursery with you.  I have been working on his room for the last two years (basically since we found out we were pregnant) so it's been a slow, carefully thought out process. I knew this room was going to be a place we were going to spend a lot of time in, so I wanted it to be a special environment for Pier to grow and learn.

the process:

We envisioned the room feeling warm, welcoming, and above all, fun.  Kids are messy, imaginative, extraordinary people and I wanted to reflect a that in my son's space.  Also, it needed to be gender neutral... Even though we found out the gender of the baby early on in the pregnancy, I didn’t want it to be a strictly “boys nursery”.  I knew that future children will use a lot of the same items in Pier’s room, so that inspired a playful and colorful design that will easily transition as he and his future siblings grow.   

The entire design happened organically.  The more I got to know Pier, the more I became attuned to his interests.  For example, he loves books.  So that's why I wanted a corner of the space to be dedicated to his books.  A little reading corner seemed to fit him perfectly!  And don't you love that print? I saw it on a Cup of Jo yearssss ago and knew that it would be just the right amount of whimsy for Pier's room.  It makes me smile.

the inspiration:

We knew Pier's name very early on in the pregnancy, so I drew inspiration from his namesake to help with the design process.  Mountains, nature, and adventure were all things I kept going back to when picking out items to fill the space.  The Italian saying "verso l'alto" translates to "to the heights" in English, which is one of Bl. Pier Girogio's famous phrases.  He was an avid mountain climber, and compared climbing the heights of a mountain to climbing the mountain of holiness.  Our goal as Christians is to soar to the heights to get to heaven, which is something I hope to impart to my child.  

The sweet hot air balloon artwork reminds me to soar to the heights.  It was generously done by my talented mother, who surprised me with it at my baby shower.  Brad drew this photo of Pier Giorgio when I was pregnant with Pier so he can always remember the man he's named after.  Basically.... it's a Pier Girogio themed room :) 

the logistics:

Everything in our house was given to us when we first got married, so this was the first room that we completely designed from scratch.  We're currently renting, which means we can't paint the walls or do any major changes. We did everything very slowly.  You don't need a perfectly designed nursery in order to bring home a baby!  The majority of the bigger items here were gifts, or purchased with gift cards, and a lot of the other little things I bought gradually.  The prints and artwork holds sentimental value to me, because most of it was done by dear friends. It's also important to me that I support small businesses where I can.

I plan on writing a separate post of the sources of everything we used to make this nursery what you see here.  So stay tuned!  And I apologize for the influx of photos --- I just couldn't narrow them down.  Big thanks to my Indy pal Val for these.  She's a gem y'all. Hope you enjoyed this little peak into our lives!  

sunday style series

It's officially fall here guys.  Which means we can break out the sweaters and scarves and boots and all the fun fall things we girls love.  Hate to rub it in southern friends, but it was a brisk 55 degrees this weekend.  But don't you worry....y'all can rub it in when it's snowing here in March and you're wearing shorts. Booooo.

Here is this weeks outfit! I'm happy to report that the fashion posts are back in action.  In case you missed yesterdays post, my computer was broken so I haven't be able to blog :(.  

Ok these pieces may be worn on a multiple-times-a-week basis.  It's super comfortable and I feel wonderfully autumnal in it.  The dress and sweater are both from Old Navy.  My boots are the Billie boots from Madewell.  My necklace is from The Jones Market (I wrote about how great and mom friendly it is a few posts back!)  And tights are from Walgreens, since I know you'll probably be dying to get yourself a pair of those babies. 

^^^ Can you tell Pier was super excited to take pictures with his mama? I feel significantly less awkward holding a baby when Brad takes a photo of me for one of these posts, so I bribe my child with Annie's cheddar bunnies to get him to stay still for like 2 seconds to take pictures with me.  You know, normal mom/son stuff. Plus I just couldn't let the opportunity pass up of showing y'all his cute little fall cardigan.  Babies in fall clothes are the cutest am I right?! 

But my favorite part about today's outfit is my sweater.  THIS SWEATER Y'ALL....I mean, after marrying Brad and giving birth to Pier, buying this sweater was probably the best decision I've ever made. It's cute, comfortable, and super warm which is a plus because I get cold in 70 degree weather.  I will 100% be wearing it all fall -- over my PJs, around the house, under my winter coat, probably when I shower even -- not that I'm obsessed with it or anything.   

I'm wearing a medium because I liked it a little longer//slouchier and I haven't washed it yet so I'm not sure if it will shrink. But if you're looking for a new cardigan to add to your cool weather wardrobe, definitely get this one.  

Wooohoo we finally got a photo sort of looking at the camera!  

Alright, and because what I wear on my body is not as important as the state of my soul, here is an excerpt from today's readings:

For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice
but rather of power and love and self-control. 
So do not be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord,
nor of me, a prisoner for his sake;
but bear your share of hardship for the gospel
with the strength that comes from God.

- 2 TM 1: 6-8

Have a beautiful, peaceful day of rest my friends.